Have you heard …

Hi, I just thought that for the small time I have Internet on my iPod I shall make the most of it. Bye, now.
p.s. This is from November 12th, 2009.

(Note: Explained in Additions by Me. It is advised that the Reader first read “What nonsense 2 : )”, followed by “___ADDITIONS by Me”.)
And make sure that your fingers are attached to your hands and your toes are attached to you feet and your vomit is attached to your guts and…somebody just violated the safety [...]

Also, please be sure that your face is attached securely to your head.
Thank you.
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You will also be provided at the doors with duct tape for your mouth and ears for prevention of the loss of guts.
NOTE: As you will be needing to breathe, we will not be held liable for any loss of innards through [...]

This is something I made up randomly yesterday…
Please keep all hands, arms and heads (if you are a mythical creature) inside the vehicle at all times, including while the vehicle is currently completely stationary. If you have heart, eye, or spinal ailments, and/or are sensitive to strobe lights or lasers, going on this ride [...]