This is something I made up randomly yesterday…
Please keep all hands, arms and heads (if you are a mythical creature) inside the vehicle at all times, including while the vehicle is currently completely stationary. If you have heart, eye, or spinal ailments, and/or are sensitive to strobe lights or lasers, going on this ride is strictly unadvised. If you have a small abrasion, bruise, or have recently had you hair trimmed, riding this vehicle is strictly unadvised. (Is that the proper prefix?) If you have recently had a dream that something bad happened to you while on this ride, riding is strictly unadvised.
You must be within the height range of 5′7″-7′5″ to go on this ride. You must be within the weight range of 100 lbs. to 211 lbs to go on this ride.
You must be between 21 years old and 60 years old to go on this ride.
All loose-fitting, thin, or delicate clothing will be replaced with a wetsuit (or a wrestling uniform) and a diaper, as will any clothing with added closures such as buttons and/or strings.
You must be bald to ride, as this ride may suction any loose hair clean off.
WARNING: THIS RIDE PRESENTS A 35.97% CHANCE OF INJURY, VOMITING, FLINGING/FALLING HEADFIRST A MILE DOWN ONTO SOLID CONCRETE, OTHER UNPLEASANT CIRCUMSTANCE (i.e. sudden urination) RESULTING FROM HIGHLY HAZARDOUS RIDES.
Enter at your own risk.
If anything bad happens to you, it’s totally your own fault, dude.
And most importantly…
HAVE FUN!!!
Tags: Random