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I hate being a teenager

Sarah — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 06:44:22 +0000

At the time that this is written, I have exactly 2.417 years left of childhood.
Time is running out, yet I have my whole life ahead of me at the same time. I wonder if this is what it feels like to die…
The teenage years are not a fun place to be, let’s just clear that up now. At this age, we are given independence, responsibility, a little extra leeway but not too much. We’re discovering who we are, what we believe, who our real friends are. We have sooo much planning to do, especially for the pursuit of a higher education and, eventually, a career. Add to this our raging hormones–drama, relationships, emotions flying all over the place–and, really, this is a pretty pivotal point in a person’s life. I wish we could graduate from child to adult, instead of simply overlapping the two in the years between twelve and twenty. I mean, technically we’re still children, but we’re budding adults as well, and I’m kind of realizing now what a short time I have left to be a child, even though it may be too late for that in some ways.
I miss being little. Several years ago (I won’t say “back then” because I’ll sound like I’m trying to seem older than I am), the decisions we made, actions we took, things we thought or said, had little long-term effect. We used to play school and house; now we’re planning for college, business, family. We had crushes, now we have boyfriends and girlfriends who may one day end up married. We were free to be curious about things and know others; now, there are things we’re expected–and, in fact, relied upon–to know, and other things that we shouldn’t know and wish we didn’t but do anyway. Any drama that occurred was soon resolved and was mainly between the people involved; today, things happen that people don’t forget, and that everyone who knows those involved is eventually going to know about. Where games and laughter were the currency of friendship, now gossip, drugs, and cliques are the binding of most social circles.
The Age of Innocence. It sounds like an era in history…
I Hate Being A Teenager.
I don’t know about you, but everyone at my school looks the same. Well, ok, that’s not entirely true. Every girl looks like every other girl and every guy looks like every other guy, that’s a fact. But the girls don’t look like the guys; that’s something, right? (Although, in all honesty, some of the guys are a leetle on the delicate side)… But it doesn’t stop at outward appearance. Everyone acts the same, too! We are a sphere of clones. How those of us who retain that last tiny crumb of authenticity of character don’t drown in this house of mirrors, I have no idea. All hearts are the same. All senses of humor are the same (although among girls and feminine guys I would define it more as “cuteness,” as opposed to being genuinely funny). Everyone who falls under the category of jock, anime-lovers, nerds, musicians, they’re all the same as everyone else pursuing that hobby. Everyone else is even more the same from not even having that one defining feature. I run into this problem a lot when I encounter Facebook LMS’s that involve posting things you like about people on their Walls. With a few people I know (mainly girl, I noticed) I have often had to squeeze, and sometimes invent, even just one unique thing to say to them. It’s a horrible fact, but it’s true, and I’m so very terrified that I’m becoming one of them. I try not to, but I find myself trying less and less; I don’t want to want to be a Teenage Girl, much less actually be one. I’m me. Not you. You’re you. Not me, or him, or her. I love this quote by I-don’t-remember-who: “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”
Well, my whole upper body is aching from laying on my stomach, so I’m going to go to sleep. I’m fairly certain I’ve said all I have to say on this subject for now. I’ll let you know if I discover something new. Good night my faithful reader (if I even have any of those)!

Miss me?

Sarah — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 03:43:15 +0000

I want to write, and I have plenty to write about, but I’m totally blanking on what to write.
I’ll start with this (well, okay, I guess I’m not totally blanking…):

FAME was such an awesome experience, let me tell you. It feels like I spent all summer in rehearsals, but it turns out I only consumed about half of it. Everyone in the show was amazing, and honestly, it wouldn’t have been the same without any one of the kids in it.
This is the only show where I actually cried when it closed. I don’t know what it was about this particular one, since all of the other shows I’ve performed have been wonderful, too. I guess it’s different when all of your cast members are other teens. We spent what felt like all summer together, drilling harmonies and dance steps, sweating together, failing together, and ultimately sharing the triumph of showing the world what we learned–six times over.
I must say, there was an abundance of funny moments behind the scenes. I probably couldn’t count them all, but as an example of how many there were, someone created a group on Facebook for all of the funny things said and done by us; the idea to put everything in one place was probably one of the greatest revelations of all time. Actually, at our closing night cast party, we presented the director with a scrapbook containing photos and Funny quotes. I think he found it pretty awesome, and now they’re going to make copies of it for cast members.
(SIDE NOTE: I’m not really reading what I’m saying because if I do, this will never get published. So, I apologize for flow, run-ons, and anything else that wouldn’t have occurred if I hadn’t been to lazy to proofread.)

So on closing night, all of our memorable costumes were being put away…props moved…striking sets…I was hanging out with my friend who had come to see the show.
One of my guy friends had been crying earlier and his face was heartbreaking, but amazingly I didn’t join him. I was walking with my audience friend across the stage…and I saw the empty theatre…and still didn’t cry. But for some reason, when I turned to her to comment on it, the waterfall turned on.
And actually, it was nice to join the few of us mourning the end of the show, because I had wanted to cry before that but couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was awesome to be able to show how much I missed the show (even though I hadn’t left yet. )
After everyone else was pretty much gone, Bekah and I hung out with two of our friends on the stage; one was really emotional (the crying boy I mentioned earlier) and the other was totally just not. XD Hanging out with both of them was rather interesting and really fun; we relived a couple of FAME moments, performing dazzling numbers with just the four of us. The non-emotional friend performed his solo in the most outrageous, exaggerated way possible and managed to make me laugh in the middle of my singing (yet again…there was literally not one day/night that went by where he didn’t make me laugh XD).
Personally I don’t think I could have asked for any better way to close this amazing, wonderful, supermegafoxyawesomehot show.

Aside from that, hmm………….

Welllllll about a month ago (I think its a month) we were given one month to move out of our house by our landlords. A single month to move the rambunctious seven of us with all of our stuff and a dog out of the house we’d been living in for nine and a half years? Interesting situation. We started looking for houses the minute we found out we had to move. We didn’t find one until a few days ago, so in the meantime we’ve been living with my uncle and little cousins.
You know, I’ve always thought it would be a fascinating adventure to be forced to live in the same house with another family, but I didn’t really picture it being like this. I honestly can’t really pinpoint what the difference is between my fantasy and our real-life situation but it’s been…interesting, I must say. Actually, I was wondering when I was going to have one of those revelations where I realize that your imagination is nothing like reality; I was beginning to worry that it wasn’t going to happen. Anyway, it’s definitely not been as bad as it could be…we’re not always in the same place at once, and sharing things like food and stuff like that hasn’t been too difficult.
We only brought with us the absolute necessities…all of our other belongings are still in storage. What this means for me is that for clothes, I’m literally living out of a box, I don’t have my camera charger (oops!) and worst of all, there’s no piano. Our uncle used to have one, but he sold it to a student at the Academy of Arts in SF. Recently he said that he would buy a keyboard if I could teach his girls to play.
He’s been asking me for the longest time to teach my cousins piano, and every time he asks I say technically I could, but he might want to wait a year or two to have them start lessons. Yet, he keeps asking me, and he bought a keyboard without me saying anything. I’m assuming he just purchased it so he could have one in the house, because I hope this doesn’t mean that I’m obligated to teach two girls who are too young to start learning piano.
We messed around with it a bit when it was first bought, but now none of us are able to play it. This is because the stand that they got for it is missing everything except the main black supports. So now the sad little keyboard is resting in peace under my uncle’s bed–cool story, right?
Oh, and you might be wondering why it is we had to move. Well, apparently the landlords (who lived in Missouri) decided to move back in. I suspect that their reasons for moving back in might–just might, nobody knows–have something to do with their lack of desire to have us in their house anymore. This would be perfectly understandable, considering the nature of our family. There are some things I admit maaayyyy be our fault (like the grass in the backyard being fully lifeless), but there are apparently things we were being falsely blamed for, like a certain crack by the fireplace or something like that. Anyway, I think this move could be a good thing for us–we were lazier than heck when it came to our stuff in the old house, and dad has decided that it’s not going to be like that anymore, starting with my uncle’s house and continuing into our next home.
The house we’re moving into only has three bedrooms (since one was converted into an office), but they’re big enough to be satisfactorily comfortable. Bekah and I will be sharing one and the younger three the other, which shouldn’t bee too much of a problem considering the amount of time my brother already spends with Annah and Alaynah.

We’re also going to public school for the first time in life, and it starts in three days. I’m a bit nervous to say the least, but I’m hoping, praying, and planning that it won’t be toooo bad. I just hope my laziness doesn’t cause me to fail, and that I can keep some kind of faith and discernment through the…I was influenced enough by some of the FAME kids, I don’t need any more garbage taking up valuable brain space.

Ttyl,
Sarah G

p.s. I FINALLY FINISHED A USABLE UPDATE

HAHA I finally finished it.

Sarah — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:15:28 +0000

Every time I try to write a new post I don’t have enough time to write it because a) It’s always too late to finish by the time I remember, and b) I haven’t written any actual updates in SO
DANG
LONG
that I don’t know if I would have enough time to write it even if I got on the computer specifically for that purpose.

^That, and I’m usually on Facebook at the same time.

Anyway, I figured I would enjoy the small triumph of completing this post (which has taken since February to take shape) and publish it for you to enjoy reading as much as much as I enjoyed writing. XD

I can’t think of any good, unique closing, so I’ll just say Sincerely Yours,

Me.

Evening

Sarah — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:39:40 +0000

Flames
Sparks
In a blue fireplace
Logs hold embers
though some have gone out
or dimmed.
Brilliant shades of orange
yellow
pink
purple
blue
Cool grays
and the smooth, even black
behind the sparkling embers.
Puffs rise and smell of fire
carrying with them
that dead flame
known as
ash.
Warmth fills the room
except the very
back
corners
where it is cold
and dark.
One spark
Two sparks,
spit out by the fire
fading
in the corners,
flecks of gold
in the darkness

Sun sets
Turquoise sky
City buildings, city lights
city eyelids
Brilliant shades of orange
yellow
pink
purple
blue
Cool grays
and the solid black towers
with their busy, glowing windows
Pink clouds in the distance
merely reflections…
The sky is lit,
radiant,
alive,
a cerulean boundary
between day
and night.
Diamond stars
in a sapphire sky
barely visible
from the light
of the twilit city

Sarah Returns

Sarah — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 20:12:57 +0000

Let me see…what’s happened since August that you don’t know about?…

Sigh, although looking back, the switch from summer mode to school mode was kind of gradual, it feels so much more abrupt than it was. Ooh, I smell beans. No, no, focus, Sarah. Anyway, it probably felt much quicker because even though we knew we were going back to our education, that pale, ghostly vision suddenly became a reality last Friday. And it really wasn’t that bad! I know, a shock, right? Oh, and for those of you who don’t already know this, I am a freshman this year. I expected it to be a lot worse, but the worst part is the homework, which also is not as hard as it seems. Basically, for me, the main reason why I end up with late homework is because I really need to work on my time management. And I know from experience that the source of most procrastination, at least for me, is the constant mentality of “I can always do it later.” Well, I am trying to change that this year. (Said the hypocrite. I probably could be doing something more useful than blogging right now.) Anyway, we’ll see how that goes.

Now, you may be wondering why I haven’t been blogging very much recently. Ever heard of social networking? It’s where I can post stuff almost like the material on this website, except I can make fairly certain everyone sees it. (MBWAHAHAHAHA.) There is a disadvantage, however. You may have noticed how much stuff I put into one post on here. It is a LOT. (On a side note, a lot is two words. Think about the word “lot” by itself. It’s a large area, correct? So you can have “A Lot” of something. Not alot. Alot is not a word. Pay attention to spell check. Two words. A. Lot.) But the social networks only allow a small amount of characters. Twitter, I believe, is 160, and Facebook is 420, for example. So if I had something enormous to say like in one of my blog posts, I would have to use like twenty thousand different posts, and twenty thousand is a lot. So, that is a big advantage that blogging has over social networks. The advantage that social networks have is that with blogging, you never know if anyone is actually reading what you write. You could be the only person outside of oblivion who even has heard of your site. Updates are much easier on social networks because not very many people want or expect to read a blog post that’s only a 420 character tidbit. Of course, maybe you don’t get much enjoyment out of seeing me ramble on, either. Shall I cease? Maybe, maybe not…maybe…maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe. Maybe not.

Now the word maybe sounds and looks weird. Weird, weird, weird. If you think about it, certain words, if said or written repeatedly start to sound like a foreign language. Have you ever experienced that? Maybe; music; weird; yes; even names like Sarah. Well, I suppose Sarah is Hebrew, but still, not often does one consciously think about it sounding that way.

I don’t know how long this post is so far, but I guess I shall find out once it’s published…which, if you’re reading it, it is. Anyway, at the moment I don’t think I have much further to say, and if I did, I wouldn’t say it yet because this post is already at least medium length as it is, plus a lot of my brain power as it pertain to writing is already exhausted so I probably couldn’t think of a way to say it, anyway.

That was a fairly good rambling run-on, was it not? Well, I have to do dishes, so I have to go, anyway.* Talk to you later, my beloved Internet audience.

*Ever notice how many times this word pops up in my posts?? Me too…

Uuuggghhh

Sarah — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 01:45:08 +0000

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I am assuming today to be the 44th day of summer, but if I happen to be wrong I will find out eventually. I got a cold recently and still have the infamous lingering cough and slight drowsiness, but other than that I have improved significantly. In addition, we went to Six Flags Discovery Kingdom with one of our friends and her mom on Friday. We experienced a few harness debacles, from certain uncomfortably compressing harnesses–made even worse by wearing a fanny pack–to partially nonfunctional ones. Frightening, right? Well, actually, it didn’treally last that long; the first situation was when we were on a raft ride and it took a little while before the ride started for my friend and I to clasp the seat belt successfully. It was a tense and actually exciting moment that reccurred later on when I was holding on to the seat belt and we went over a large wave, causing it to become undone again. This was quickly fixed. The other situation was when we were on the Hammerhead. After we got off of the ride, which at certain points turns the passengers upside down, Rebekah said she heard a boy yelling that his harness had come undone and repeatedly uttering expletives–the boy, of course, not Bekah! I hadn’t heard anything until we got off, but I wonder what it would have been like to have one’s restraint cease its purpose in the middle of a ride like that. We were there pretty much all day and coincidentally we saw a bunch of groups from the day camp from Bridges Community Church, which was pretty neat.

Apparently Bekah and I have pre-school-year homework. Ancient Literature was due by the fifth and Ancient History is due by the thirteenth, so I’m going to have to start working on that soon. We are doing a large homeschool co-op called HEART Academy and the classes I will be taking are Ancient History, Ancient Literature, Biology (waiting list), On Writing Well (creative writing), and Speech and Debate. I’m 99% sure that’s correct. I can’t believe we’re barely past the middle of summer and already the school year is fast approaching. It’s not as strange being a freshman as I had thought it would be. I guess the only strange thing about it would be having more high schoolers in my classes, and maybe a bit larger workload, but I’ve heard a lot of good things about HEART; I’m just hoping I’ll be able to not procrastinate my homework nearly as much as I did when we were in LHA.

Tomorrow is our first rehearsal of Cinderella with Stage 1 Theatre!! Well, actually, it’s a cast meeting, but no matter. My mom, Bekah, Adriannah, and I auditioned July 19th and all of us made it into the ensemble; a few of the people in our audition group also made it in, one being Cinderella and two others in the ensemble as featured dancers. We are all very excited, but as we haven’t begun yet I will have more news about it later.

Conclusion of what may or may not be my last summer post. :/

~~Sarah

Happy 5th b-day, Aaron

Sarah — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:36:34 +0000

Day 9 of summer.

It is rather warm, but an improvement on yesterday’s incinerating weather.

I do not recommend today:
THIS IS FOR ME; Do Not Eat All Of The Cake! There. That should do.
I do recommend today:
I do recommend–here it comes–do I really want to say it?–housework. Yes, you heard me. Well, it might be just me, because we tend to do a lot of housework on nice days, but seriously. Just avoid cleaning up fresh canine fecal matter. Oh, the things you have to learn the hard way…

Today’s news:
Well, as indicated by my amazingly creative title, today is the fifth anniversary of my little brother’s birth. In other word’s, it’s Aaron’s birthday. I remember when we found out his gender, I could not stop laughing! The Gonzalezes? A boy? LOL!!

Ahem. Where was I?

I also remember that the friend at whose house we slept that night woke up at the same minute Aaron was born. Go figure.

Well, I need to go change my shirt, so happy birthday, Aaron. Love you, little bro.

Conclusion of blog post for ninth day of summer.

~~Sarah

Finally caught up.

Sarah — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:07:35 +0000

Day 8 of summer.

IT IS RATHER WARM, to say the least.

I do not recommend today:
I strictly do not recommend wearing anything warm today. At all. Whatsoever.
I do recommend today:
What I do recommend is to get wet in some way, although unfortunately today I personally have been unable to do so. And I definitely recommend eating lots of fruit…yum, refreshing.

Today’s News:
Again, there isn’t much news today. I know what you have come to expect from my blog–at least, what I hope you have come to expect…

But as I am blogging every day, and as our everyday life is, well, everyday, there hasn’t been much news so far. There is, however, some upcoming news, so stay tuned.

I just did a bunch of laundry with Bekah while the younger three were supposedly cleaning the living room. There were a couple of the normal arguments, again, nothing major. This has been your glimpse of everyday life in the Gonzalez house for today.

~~Sarah

Okay…so I missed two…

Sarah — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:10:32 +0000

Days 5, 6, 7 of summer, respectively.

IT IS, AGAIN, VERY, VERY HOT.

Because I missed too many days of summer, and because they were reasonably uneventful, I’m not going to do the whole recommendations and such today. This is not going to look like my normal Summer Log posts. But I’ll tell you what there is to tell.

On the fifth day of summer, not much happened. Started spending more time doing housework, inside and out, but that’s sort of usual for us so that doesn’t count. I’m trying to remember; it seems like something ought to have happened on Friday but I guess not.

Yesterday, I think, was the same. Oh, wait! That’s what happened on Friday! Adriannah went to a friend’s sleepover and seemingly had a good time. The friends at whose house she slept reminds me a bit of Annah, so I trust there was quite a bit of playing and laughing going on. So I believe she came home yesterday.

And today. Well, as I’ve mentioned, it is again quite hot. Bekah and I got outside and did a little bit of yard work with Daddy. It was excruciatingly scalding, but surprisingly, it felt good to get out and do something. I took a shower after we were finished, and I must say, being hot is so much more bearable when you’re clean and don’t feel like there is dirt running in your sweat.

I suppose that’s it for today. I shall endeavor to miss no more days of posting.

Conclusion of respective blog posts for fifth, sixth, and seventh days of summer.

~~Sarah

So I missed one.

Sarah — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 00:14:51 +0000

Day 3 of summer:
It was sunny and windy yesterday.
I did not recommend yesterday:
Not that it matters anymore, but I do not think I would have recommended going swimming or any similar activity.
I did recommend yesterday:
Not that this matters either. Sigh. Well, I think I would have recommended eating outside for all meals except possibly breakfast.
Yesterday’s news:
I really should save this for today’s, but I suppose since I’ve started I may as well finish. Not much happened yesterday, except the girl who was sleeping over went home and Annah and Alaynah went to another friend’s house. My mom is considering having me do a forensic science co-op next year for school, and personally I favor the idea. I think at the moment my favorite sciences are forensics and biology, although I have never taken a class for either. I find them quite interesting, especially since they do not involve too much math, which is not my specialty. Anyway, I might end up taking both, which I see myself as being able to do if I am able to manage my time better next year than I did this year.

Conclusion of blog post for third day of summer.

~~Sarah

Day 4 of summer:
It was very windy earlier. It does not appear to be so now, but it may be cool outside.
I do not recommend today:
Hmm…well, I do not recommend leaving papers outside unsupervised.
I do recommend today:
I do recommend eatin’ chili, which is what I’m about to do right now!
Today’s News:
My sisters and I went outside to paint. Nothing fancy, just a little something creative to do together. Well, unfortunately, as i mentioned, it was very windy. The bottles of acrylic paint we had were all practically empty, so we couldn’t use those as paperweights. I had quite a time with trying to use Alaynah’s shoe, a rock, and some paint bottles, but not necessarily at the the same time, although now that I think about it…
Anyway, that was kind of fun. I designed something that looked really nice in pen, but not so much in paint. Oh, well, I guess I just need more practice.

And now it’s time for another one of my lists!
Good Things About Summer Break
–Lots of free time
–No homework
–Nice weather
Not-so-good Things About Summer Break
–Not getting to see friends as often (cue Facebook…)
–More time to do–dunh dunh dunh–housework…
–Wondering about the next school year.

Well, I suppose that’s it, until tomorrow. Or at least, I think tomorrow.

Conclusion of blog post for fourth day of summer.

~~Sarah